The Fine Line Between Clever and Stupid

I was listening to “Once In A While” by Timeflies in the car the other day and this one lyric stood out to me:

I live my life like my blood type, b positive

I couldn’t shake the fact that this was a really stupid song lyric, so I decided to find other songs with song lyrics just as ridiculous. My consensus is that all of these artists need to hire a new song writer.

Here’s what I came up with:

Major Lazer and DJ Snake featuring MO, “Lean On” 

Do you recall not long ago

We would walk on the sidewalk

Wow, sidewalks, such a thing of the past. I remember sidewalks like it was yesterday. Kind of makes me think of this episode of Spongebob:  

Selena Gomez, “Good For You”

I’m on my 14 carats, I’m 14 carat.

Doing it up like Midas, mmm

Okay… who told Selena that this was a good lyric. Definitely didn’t have the “Midas touch”

Outkast, “Roses”

I know you’d like to think your shit don’t stink

But lean a little bit closer

See that roses really smell like poo-poo-oo

I think Outkast is smelling the wrong roses…

I tried to find a funny picture for this one, but I instantly regretted googling it.

Galantis, “Peanut Butter Jelly”

Spread it like peanut butter jelly

Do it like you owe me some money

Money, money, money

Okay, correct me if I’m wrong…but I’m pretty sure that jelly doesn’t rhyme with money. 

Also, pretty sure that prostitution is illegal Galantis.

Pitbull, “Give Me Everything”

Me not working hard? Yea, right!

Picture that with a Kodak

And, better, yet go to Times Square

Take a picture of me with a Kodak

Can’t have a post about stupid lyrics without at least one Pitbull song.

*Thinks rhyming Kodak with Kodak is a good idea*

L.F.O, “Summer Girls”

New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits

Chinese food makes me sick

I’m not sure how these two are correlated. If I learned anything from being a psychology major it’s that correlation does not equal causation. But this definitely just doesn’t make any sense. Also, probably should stop eating Chinese food though.

Story Time: Every single time my family orders Chinese food, my father channels his inner L.F.O.

Taylor Swift, “Love Story”

Cause you were Romeo

I was a scarlet letter

And my daddy said stay away from Juliet

I don’t think Taylor understands the history behind a scarlet letter.

Let me help you out Taylor: When a woman committed the act of adultery in 1850 (?), they wore a scarlet “A” on their chest to let everyone know that they were “an adulterous whore.” 

Also I’m pretty sure they got stoned in times square. And not the good kind of stoned; the one that involves being nailed by actual rocks. 

Lil B, “Wonton Soup”

Bitches suck my dick because I look like J.K. Rowling

Lil B does know that J.K. Rowling is a female right…?

That’s definitely some magical wonton soup.

Are you good Lil B?

David Guetta featuring Akon, “Sexy Bitch”

I’m trying to find the words to describe this girl

Without being disrespectful

Damn you’se a sexy bitch

I think Akon and I have a different definition of “disrespectful.” 

Maybe this is why you’re lonely Akon.

2 Chainz, “Birthday Song”

She got a big booty so I call her Big Booty

Oh do you now? 

I wonder how long it took 2 Chainz to come up with that nickname. But let’s be real, he goes by 2 Chainz.

Hilary Duff, “So Yesterday”

If the light is off, then it isn’t on

Well… you’re not wrong…

Round of applause for Hilary…she figured out how electricity works.

I’m pretty sure Thomas Edison is rolling over in his grave.

Timbaland, “The Way I Are”

Can you handle me the way am are?

I think it’s safe to say that Timbaland failed grammar in school.

You could tell how annoying this song was going to be just by looking at how grammatically incorrect the title is. Typing it was actually painful for me.

Lady Gaga, “Just Dance”

What’s going on on the floor?

I love this record baby but I can’t see straight anymore

Keep it cool, what’s the name of this club?

I can’t remember but it’s alright, alright

Just Dance, gonna be okay

I don’t think dancing is going to help you out here Lady Gaga. You’re white girl wasted and should probably go to bed… or the hospital.

 
Ed Sheeran, “Wake Me Up”

And I know you love Shrek

Because we’ve watched it 12 times

I’m sorry Ed, no one loves Shrek more than this guy.

Shrek is Love/Shrek is Life. And if you have no idea what I’m talking about…

Go to that link and prepare to be scarred for life: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auEA9Ay6G0o

Well that’s all I’ve got…

ITS ALL OGRE NOW